fell down the stairs

Today I stared too long at my veins on my wrists and became very dizzy. I was looking at them to prove to a friend that skin can be incredibly see-through and my wrists and palms are proof. After the onset of the wooziness, my jugular was throbbing and I had to lie down. As a child I wasn't able to watch E.R. when they did surgeries, but today was my first encounter with a fear of my own body.

In the audience at an improv show, I was approached directly and asked, "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"
I almost lied and said, "A doctor."
I answered, "A baseball player."
That's a lie, too. But I'm a good liar.
I've always planned on becoming an actress. Occassionally I would add something to that occupation. Kindergarten Kimber was going to be a ballerina actress. In 1992, I wanted to be a figure skater and an actress. In second grade we did reports on careers (complete with decorated shoe boxes displaying facts on all sides) and mine was on writers and actors. Come '96 and I was going to be a gymnast and an actress. Mr. Harrington video taped me on the last day of 5th grade saying I planned on becoming a writer, dancer, choreographer, singer and actress. The plan hasn't changed too much since. Today while packing it really hit me how lucky I am to be able to really, truly pursue my dream. And how lucky I am to have such incredibly supportive parents.

My mom wanted me to be a doctor. Even while I would squirm and pull a blanket over my head when Noah Wiley or George Clooney sliced someone open, my mom was sure I could become a wonderful doctor. I always tested well in math and science, and I actually like both, so why not? Sometime after freshmen year of high school, my parents realized acting wasn't just a childhood fantasy but that I could actually go to school for it (a very bizarre concept to family and friends...acting college). While they were supportive before then, letting me be in acting classes and do drama day camp, in high school they really rallied around me. I went to New York and then Chicago to audition for schools. I ended up moving to Chicago, dropping my writing double major in order to graduate in 3 years (or else!!!) and now I'm here, living the dream basically. Or trying to. And despite all the fights about money I've had with my parents (now with less of my fits; I've become last dramatic while studing drama, to their relief), they have never stopped supporting me. Financially as well.
So. Now...
So now the time comes where I am no longer financially supported by my parents. But I feel ok. Somewhat. A little dizzy, but that can be attributed to other things. A fear of my body perhaps. A fear in the knowledge that I am actually pursuing my dreams full force with the greatest amount of support and love imaginable.
Thanks Mom and Dad.

Crystal Country

Everything must break to be beautiful
and, honey,
that's what I meant when I called and said,

"This is fucked."

When Push Comes to Love

I am a worthy human being.

I am not a piece of a shit.

I am honest and open and passionate and courageous and caring and
have people in my life that I love and love me back.

(Just in case I forgot.)