i've been holding my breath when i speak.
remember when we did shit?
i keep saying, "oh wait until june!"
mostly i am saying this to myself as an excuse for why i'm not doing things now.
this things include: sewing, cleaning, writing, writing songs, auditioning, cooking, washing my hair, creating, hanging...
listening. loving.
i would like to be more productive. i make lists and feel as if the making of the list is an accomplishment.
the only time i cross things off is when i write things like lounge aroud, read and drink more hot cider.
god i love hot apple cider.
thursday was bradley's birthday. exactly one year ago today was the last time i will ever speak to him. i would like to think we talked for three hours and i thanked him for opening my mind and seriously changing my life and i told him how i can't imagine how different i would be if he never came into my life and shook the hell out of it. really, i think we talked for twelve minutes and joked about tall tales and my upcoming spring break closet sleeping plans. we both said, "ah, we need to catch up!" i think we said "love ya" at the end. i think. i hope.
i wonder if the world even knows what it's missing out on.
this winter has kind of beat the shit out of me without even giving me a cold.
but it's an exponential improvement from last winter so i really can't complain.
